FAVOURING APACHE HELICOPTER
Rotors roar ominously, suspending the chopper restlessly in
space. Marines scramble to put on RADIATION SUITS. Marion
yells at Johnson and Butts as they hurry past.
MARION
What about us?
BUTTS
What about you?
They laugh as Butts flips her off. She curls up with Hal,
whispering in his ear, her words trailing off in echoes.
MARION
If you have any bright ideas, now's a
good time.
ANGLE ON OKEE
The HAARP beam starts frazzling oKee.
INT. APACHE HELICOPTER
A bank of instruments shows the PILOT's aim locking on two
targets, oKee and the mine entrance.
TRUCK IN on NUCLEAR TIPS
DISSOLVE TO:
A BEAM OF SUNLIGHT breaks through the parting clouds,
striking oKee's body and spilling over to Hal. Dazzlingly
brightly, the direct solar pulse vitalizes him and the HAARP
beam is again pushed away.
ROCKETS
smolder ominously. Targets LOCKED, the Pilot presses a THUMB
SWITCH. ROCKETS FUZE and THEY'RE OFF. As they race toward
their targets a strange SUPERHERO IN GREEN TIGHTS pops out of
nowhere, hovering in the path of the speeding ROCKETS. They
separate, causing the superhero to stretch like a rubber band
as he grabs one under each arm. Marines watch in amazement as
he struggles to hold them in mid-air.
SATELLITES
Glow brighter as the pulsing beam moves closer. Glowing WHITE
HOT, they disintegrate into thousands of tiny pieces.
HAARP ARRAY
In a BLAZING FLASH OF LIGHT, BLOWS UP in a dazzling
explosion.
ANGLE ON MIKEY
Recovering from the attack.
ANGLE ON OKEE
oKee collapses as the beam of sunlight retracts.
ANGLE ON
Troy sees the Apache still hovering.
SERGEANT TROY
(into intercom)
Don't just sit there, FIRE damn it.
Sub-machine guns drop down on either side as the chopper
repositions to take out oKee. Off to the side, Butts takes
aim with an RPG. The chopper lets loose a blaze of hot metal.
The superhero watches but must hesitate until the rockets run
out of fuel before he can set them down and move in slow
motion to intervene. Butts grenade is away. The superhero
tosses his arms open and the bullets veer off harmlessly.
Butts grenade makes it through, taking out the hill and oKee
along with it. The chopper blades whoop slower and slower.
COPTER PILOT
Oh my god.
The superhero exerts his force until the chopper blades stop
entirely, yet the craft continues hanging in mid-air.
LIEUTENANT BALDWIN
What the fu...
Using levitation, the superhero gently sets it down. Even
before it touches, the pilot is out and running for cover.
SERGEANT TROY
I'll be damned.
A few marines charge the hill. The superhero waves his hand
and their weapons jam.
SUPERHERO
You boys need some manners.
They run at him for hand-to-hand but their hands pass through
his body. With a twirl, the superhero levitates them off the
ground and moves them to the compound holding Marion and Hal.
SUPERHERO (CONT'D)
If you'll excuse me miss...
MARION
Come on Hal wake up. I'm sorry he always
picks the wrong time for a nap.
SUPERHERO
No problem-o.
Hal, Marion and her stuff magically float out of the compound
and safely off to the side.
SUPERHERO (CONT'D)
You won't be needing these...
And with a flip of his wrist, all weapons drop to the ground
and the Marines are placed securely in their own prison. The
motors of the Chinook start in an attempt to escape, but the
superhero disables it, extracts it's occupants and places
them in the compound as well.
SERGEANT TROY
What the hell are you?
SUPERHERO
Think of me as the Captain.
SERGEANT TROY
Captain of what?
He looks over toward Marion.
SUPERHERO
Captain Cannabis of course. Now if you'll
excuse me, I have a few lose ends to take
care of.
He levitates the boxes of gold and cosmic pot and, with a
twirl like a tornado, they and the Captain start
disappearing. Before they're completely gone, the process
reverses and the Captain looks deep into Marion's eyes.
SUPERHERO (CONT'D)
I almost forgot. When we, I mean he,
wakes up tell him to get that medallion
back. Its important, okay?
MARION
Okay, sure, whatever...
He twirls into a tornado again, this time he and his booty
are gone to the sound of A HEAVENLY CHORUS. As the beam of
sunlight retracts, clouds close in and the rain starts anew.
MARION (CONT'D)
I'm in love.
SERGEANT TROY
Hey lady. Help us out of here.
She makes a smooching gesture and pats her ass. She hears
rustling in the bushes as Hal wakes.
HAL
Oh my head. Where am I?
MARION
I'll explain on the way.
Constable Pidd and Officer Ross, showing signs of getting the
worse of Mikey's traps, break through into the clearing as
they disappear.
PIDD
What in blue blazes is going on up here?
EXT. MIKEY'S BOAT LAUNCH DAY - LATER
The rain has stopped as Hal and Marion scramble down the side
of the mountain looking for Hal's bike.
HAL
I left it over there. Hope its not too
wrecked.
MARION
Why don't we just take the boat?
HAL
Duh, it sunk, remember?
MARION
Looks fine to me.
Hal looks at the dock to see his boat floating, sparkling in
the sunlight looking brand new. The motorcycle, also like
new, sits on the deck.
HAL
Well I'll be.
EXT. MOUNTAIN CLEARING
Pidd stands guard as Ross searches the hilltop.
ROSS
If someone was up here, they're either
blown to bits or vanished in thin air.
In the compound Marines give high-5 Butts. Troy assails Pidd.
SERGEANT TROY
Look you idiot; you have no clue what
you're dealing with.
PIDD
No you look, sonny. I've been in law
enforcement longer than you've been
alive. I don't take kindly to smart-ass
kids still wet behind the ears. You say
you were shooting at someone? Where are
they?
INT. UNDERGROUND CAVERN
oKee's battered body tumbles into a dark underground cavern.
He rolls until bumping into some rocks. Coughing from the
dust, he tries adjusting to the darkness.
OKEE
COUGH, COUGH. Ow, pain.
He crawls on all fours to an underground stream, splashing
water on his face then lapping it up like a thirsty dog. He
rubs his eyes trying to survey the surroundings. Coming
toward him are both 12-foot creatures that chased Hal and
Marion earlier. As they approach he recognizes the shape of
their heads.
OKEE (CONT'D)
Oh no, THUNDERBIRD monsters. Get away!
Leave me alone!
Terrified, he tries to run. Losing his footing he falls and
hits his head on a rock, dropping into unconsciousness.
FADE TO AND FROM BLACK
EXT. TV ANNOUNCER IN MOUNTAINS
TED ROBERTSON
This is Channel 420's Sky-High reporter
Ted Robertson coming to you live from the
top of a mountain somewhere along the Sea
To Sky Highway. It's been a bizarre few
days. RCMP have in custody a team of US
Marines who apparently violated Canada's
border to infiltrate the area sometime
yesterday. Constable Steward J. Pidd of
the RCMP is with me now. Constable Pidd,
is there any truth to the allegations
extra-terrestrials are involved?
CONSTABLE PIDD
Thank you Ted. I have no comment.
TED ROBERTSON
There's a strange craft in the bushes to
my left. Do you care to comment on that?
Cutaway to oKee's ship with tAzoonian writing.
CONSTABLE PIDD - O.S.
Is there?
TED ROBERTSON - O.S.
As our viewers can see, there is a craft
built for operators at least 16 feet tall
crashed in the bushes here.
CONSTABLE PIDD
Uh, did I say no comment yet?
Cutaway of US Marines in the jail pen.
TED ROBERTSON - O.S.
Do you have any idea under what authority
US Marines are in Canada?
CONSTABLE PIDD
Is this on?
EXT. WEST COAST COASTLINE - SUNSET
Hal nurses his wounds and captains ANA-BELL down the coast as
he and Marion watch the newscast on a portable TV.
MARION
I see why Mikey calls him stu-pid. How
long before we're home?
HAL
Should come into port after sunrise if we
go straight through.
Marion sits staring at Hal for a long moment.
HAL (CONT'D)
What?
MARION
You meant what you said? About believing
me? What I do? You don't think I'm crazy?
HAL
Marion, I've never meant anything more in
all my life.
MARION
This has been happening to me all my life
and nobody understands, until now. Thanks
Hal. You don't know how much this means
to me. Got any more beer?
HAL
Check the cooler below deck.
She gives him a peck on the cheek.
MARION
Looks like I was wrong after all. You're
okay Halburt Lighter.
She starts heading below deck, but stops at the door.
MARION (CONT'D)
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. That Captain
Cannabis guy told me to tell you you need
to find that medallion thingy.
HAL
I think I left it on the bus.
MARION
Where's the bus?
HAL
I'm not sure.
She continues below deck. After a BEAT Hal hears her call.
MARION - O.S.
Hal, come quick.
He shuts down the motor and rushes below. Aside from looking
brand new, the boxes of oKee's gold bars sit in the middle of
the floor. Hal picks one up.
HAL
Damn.
MARION - O.S.
If you like that, you'll love this.
He turns to see Marion sitting on the edge of the bunk beside
the bundles of GLOWING COSMIC POT.
EXT. HAL'S BOAT IN SUNSET/CONTINUOUS TIME
TRUCK OUT revealing the boat glistening in a spectacular West
Coast sunset.
MARION - O.S.
Yawn, I'm bushed; all this excitement has
me tingling all over. I wonder what time
it is?
HAL - O.S.
Duh, if this ain't 4:20 I don't know what
is.
FADE TO BLACK
THE END.
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