The lasers STOP and
MIKEY
decked out in battle fatigues and armed with a long stick
bursts from the bushes behind them.
MIKEY
(interrupting)
Reach for it.
Marion immediately shoots up her arms.
HAL
What? Something what?
MIKEY
I said reach for it.
Hal rolls his eyes and slowly puts up his arms.
HAL
Yeah, yeah. Hello Mikey.
MIKEY
Who you working for? NSA? CIA? DIA?
HAL
It's me. Hal? Cousin? Hello?
MIKEY
Psy-op eh? My cousin's a fat, lazy slob.
He couldn't get his ass up that trail if
his life depended on it.
MARION
He's got a point.
HAL
You're not helping. Look, I'm going to
turn around and prove I'm Hal, okay?
MIKEY - O.S.
No fast moves. I've got a loaded machine
gun and I ain't afraid to use it.
Hal turns slowly.
MIKEY
Hey Hal. Didn't recognize you with the
broad.
HAL
Off the meds? And what the hell were
those laser, shooty things?
MIKEY
Hey, what brings you so far from home?
HAL
It's a long story. Now what the hell...
MIKEY
You must be thirsty. Come on up to the
cabin. Drinks on me.
Marion is still standing, eyes closed and arms up as Mikey
abruptly walks away. Hal puts his hand on her shoulder.
HAL
You can put your arms down now.
She nervously moves to put her hand over Hal's...
HAL (CONT'D)
Now what was that you were saying?
...but spots Mikey and loses it. Shoving Hal aside, she
pushes her chest out while moving to shake Mikey's hand.
MARION
I just wanted you tooo, hell-oh! My name
is Marion. How do you like me so far?
EXT. MIKEY'S CABIN - DAY
Marion lounges in a hammock beside a "rustic" log cabin,
lazily pulling the pedals from a daisy as Hal checks out an
army-green metal box.
MARION
How come you've never told me what a hunk
your cousin is?
HAL
Must have slipped my mind. Marion, I
think you should know...
Mikey comes out of the cabin with 3 army-issue metal cups and
an old brown jug.
MIKEY
Hope you don't mind home-brew-ski?
He fills each cup before passing them around. Marion knocks
hers back in one gulp then holds her cup out for more.
MARION
Mmm, nice and lively.
MIKEY
White Lightning. An old-timer used to run
it during prohibition.
Hal takes a gulp as Mikey refills her cup. The color quickly
drains from his face and he coughs violently.
HAL
Cough, cough. Tastes like paint remover.
Trying to recover, he holds up the green box.
HAL (CONT'D)
Cough, what's this? Cough.
MIKEY
Old ammo can. Seals up water tight. Great
for storing shit on your boat. Yours if
you want it?
HAL
Thanks, cough. Now, you gonna tell me
what the hell those laser thingies are?
MIKEY
So what brings you two lovebirds all the
way up here?
MARION
Oh, we're not really even friends...
Hal interjects.
HAL
Marion's trying to say she's lookin for
some of bud.
MIKEY
Damnit Hal, what're you doin blabbing it
all over town for?
HAL
Chill dude. Your secrets safe with me.
MIKEY
Since when?
MARION
I'm really in a bind.
Mikey melts as looks into her eyes.
MIKEY
All right. But not a word. Promise?
Marion makes the X sign across her chest, taking the
opportunity to show off her ample breasts.
MARION
Cross my heart. They're natural you know?
INT. US AFSC MISSION CONTROL ROOM
Alarms sound as operators watch images of the strange craft
"materializing" from a monstrous solar flare on monitors.
TECHNICIAN 1
It's on a collision course for Earth!
Pacific Northwest.
Everyone looks to MAJOR ARMSTRONG for guidance.
SHIP
getting closer to Earth.
MISSION CONTROL
MAJOR ARMSTRONG
Well? Blast it!
TECHNICIAN 1
But sir, we're still calibrating the
systems. It could be dang...
MAJOR ARMSTRONG
I gave you a direct order. Do it! Now!
SATELLITES
reposition and track the ship.
MISSION CONTROL
monitors count down. Armstrong gleefully wrings his hands.
MAJOR ARMSTRONG
Nothing like a live target. With the
focused energy from the Sun, those
lasers'll swat it like a bug in a ZAPPER.
INTERCUT satellites glowing and monitors displaying countdown
...4, 3, 2,...
CUT TO AND FROM BLACK
For a BEAT everything goes black! When the light comes back
on the ship is nowhere to be seen. Sirens wail as the entire
MISSILE DEFENSE SYSTEM short-circuits.
MAJOR ARMSTRONG (CONT'D)
What the hell just happened?
TECHNICIAN 1
It looks like the Sun switched itself off
sir!
MAJOR ARMSTRONG
That's impossible. Where did it go?
BANK OF MONITORS
all showing the MS Windows boot-up screen doing a SCANDISK.
TECHNICIAN 1 - O.S.
Sorry sir, systems are rebooting.
EXT. ABANDONED MINE SHAFT ENTRANCE - DAY
Mikey hands out cheap sunglasses at the entrance of a
derelict mine, hidden behind bushes. Hal looks to the sky.
HAL
Dude, did that really happen?
MIKEY
Yup, good ol' White Lightning. Too much
and you're blind for good. Here, you'll
need these.
MARION
But it looks dark and creepy in there?
MIKEY
That's because it is. Watch your step.
Marion grabs Mikey's arm. Hal's not amused.
INT. ABANDONED MINE SHAFT/CONTINUOUS TIME
They descend a steep incline, the foreboding shaft barely lit
by Mikey's floodlight. Their voices echo in the darkness.
MARION
What's a hun, I mean guy like you doing
out here all by your lonesome?
MIKEY
Like my privacy.
MARION
If you ever want a little company, I may
be able to swing time...yipes!
Her high-heels slip on the loose gravel. She holds Mikey even
tighter to keep from falling into the
BLACK PIT.
MIKEY
(coolly)
Like I said, watch your step.
Finally they approach a bare wall. Mikey passes his lamp to
Hal. Feeling around with both hands, one arm suddenly
disappears into THE SOLID ROCK.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Put on your glasses and grab on.
They comply. Mikey takes back the torch and holds his hand
out to Marion. She eagerly grabs then haltingly holds hers
out to Hal. Hal wipes his nose, and then takes her hand
before Mikey WALKS INTO THE WALL dragging them in train.
INT. HUGE VAULTED CAVERN/PARADISE/CONTINUOUS TIME
They emerge into a brilliantly lit, paradise-like VAULTED
CAVERN. Beautifully COLORED BIRDS fly about singing MARVELOUS
SONGS. Lush vegetation grows among exotic trees with strange
fruits glistening like diamonds and precious gems. Statues
and rock carvings akin to ancient Maya, Sumer and Egypt
abound. Marion and Hal are awed.
HAL
Whoa. You never told me about this...
MIKEY
Cause you can't keep your mouth shut.
HAL
Hey!
MARION
Where's the light coming from? We must be
hundreds of feet below ground.
MIKEY
Don't know, it's just always on. Great
for growing though. Don't have to be on
the hydro grid.
Marion walks up to a tree loaded with a ripe pear-type fruit.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Help yourself.
She plucks a fruit and takes a big, juicy bite.
MARION
Delicious. What is it?
Mikey shrugs. Hal wanders mesmerized through the lush garden.
Birds sing artful tunes; duets and trios, and quartettes and
choruses, all arranged as in one piece of music. They come
upon a huge door cut in the rock, bordered by ancient
Egyptian looking carvings.
MARION (CONT'D)
Hal, check these out. They look like on
that medallion-thingy.
HAL
You're right. Shit. Must have left it on
the bus.
MARION
Where's it go?
MIKEY
Dunno. Can't get it open. Pot's over
there. Grab what you want and lets get
topside. I never miss a sunset here.
They're like nothing you've ever seen.
EXT. MIKEY'S CABIN - SUNSET
The ailing log structure faces a fantastic cliff overlooking
the adjacent COASTAL MOUNTAINS, ablaze in the CRIMSON SUNSET.
Mikey sits on the rocks playing with a long stick while Hal
very carefully toasts a marshmallow over a bonfire. The SLAM
of an outhouse door precedes Marion emerging from a path.
MIKEY
You'll get a stick warning if it's not
done right. I'm armed you know?
HAL
Just piss off.
Mikey laughs. Hal gestures for Marion to sit beside him, but
her attention is fixated on Mikey.
MARION
Stick warning?
MIKEY
Snicker, Hal's mom made him cook her
marshmallows. If they weren't done right
she'd crack him over the head with her
walking stick.
HAL
Dude, that blimp was not my mom.
MIKEY
Of course she was.
Hal hands the marshmallow stick to Marion to pass along.
HAL
Remember Jennie? My older sister? When I
turned 21 they told me she was my mother
and the blimp was really my aunt.
MARION
That's gotta fuck ya up.
Hal lights a joint, watching from a distance. She passes the
stick along to Mikey.
MIKEY
And your point is?
Mikey carefully inspects the toasted glucose treat.
Satisfied, he hoovers it down.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
You're spared. SHLURP! This time.
MARION
Quite a place. Could use a woman's touch.
MIKEY
Folks left it when they died. Not much,
but it's all I got left of them.
MARION
You always been here?
MIKEY
Hell no. Used to live in LA. Pro
bodybuilder.
Started getting some acting breaks when
the Gulf War broke. Thought I'd do the
right thing. Enlisted in the Marines.
Ended up on one of the advanced teams
going into Kuwait. Bad move.
MARION
How come?
MIKEY
We were trained to test for chem and bio
weapons. When we got there they ordered
us to blow up oilrigs.
MARION
Didn't Saddam do that?
MIKEY
That's what they say. It was a
smokescreen. Cover to bomb the weapons
stores. Spewed tons of chemical shit all
over us, the troops behind and millions
of civvies in the theatre.
MARION
You were protected right?
MIKEY
Suits did shit. Pentagon gave the stuff
to Saddam, but first they made it so good
our own gear couldn't even stop it.
Brilliant, huh? Bush, Powell, Pentagon.
They knew when they sent us in we were
toast.
MARION
You okay?
MIKEY
Far from it. Fatigue, headaches, muscle
pains so bad I couldn't go back to
weights. Career over!
MARION
Can't something be done?
MIKEY
By who? Cover-up goes through Congress
right to the White House. They say
there's no such thing as Gulf War
Syndrome. It's all in our heads.
HAL - O.S.
You sound like a conspiracy nut.
MIKEY
First they tried turnin me into a
vegetable with psychotropic drugs. When I
told them to go fuck 'emselves they took
away my military ID card. DIA started
hounding me. Guys from my unit started
showing up dead. I ran up here.
Marion points to a bright light in the sky.
MARION
Look. A falling star. What should I wish
for? I know.
She closes her eyes and glows faintly as she wishes in
silence. Mikey stands as the light grows bigger and brighter.
MIKEY
It may be falling, but that ain't no
star. Quick, back to the mine.
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